caffeine free diet coke

in the corner of the grocery aisle where you find the fizzy drinks, there is that one drink that is shunned by its bubbly compatriots. it has been ostracized by its canned and bottled peers and despite its glittered up appearance, with its gaudy gold can and fancy container graphics, it is still as unattractive a drink as cat urine. this drink is caffeine free diet coke.

what is the reason for this drink’s terrible fate?

this drink is less fattening than regular coke.

this drink won’t keep you up if you decide to have a can of it with a late dinner.

the color scheme of this can reminds me of the san francisco 49ers, and they are my favorite football team.

caffeine free diet coke has all these things going for it. but maybe things arent exactly as they seem.

simply put, caffeine free diet coke tries too hard to be something that a fizzy drink isnt meant to be and as a result, it becomes something that it was never purposed to be. it is akin to the fat kid in 7th grade who was able to dress “cool” and talk “cool” but everyone knew, was just a poseur. by making this soda a diet soda and a caffeine free soda, coke has took away the very meaning of soda.

people drink soda for one of two reasons. the first reason is obviously taste. colas are proof that god loves us. i dont care how artificial sunkist orange soda is – i think its brilliant. sprite with tons of ice is absolutely the most refreshing thing i can think of on a hot summer evening and just the thought of grape soda makes my tongue dance with eager expectation. sorry tongue, no grape soda today.

the second reason is caffeine. the reason why caffeinated diet coke is immensely popular is because it gives people an alternative to coffee as a stimulant source with none of the calories in coffee. you can also drink it cold, which is nice on a hot day. people will even endure the less desirable taste of diet coke (compared to coke) just to get a little buzz from the caffeine. in the working world, as well as academia, caffeine is king.

so then, if its taste you’re going after, you won’t find it in caffeine free diet coke. if its an early morning pick-me-up you need, you won’t find it in caffeine free diet coke. caffeine free diet coke, then, is completely pointless. the only sort of person who drinks caffeine free diet coke is the sort of person who needlessly counts calories and is deathly afraid of the stimulating and addictive properties of caffeine. do you really want to be this person? and if you are that sort of person, then why are you looking at fizzy drinks? grab a bottle of v8 and get on with it.