Archive for November, 2007

school bus

i was caught behind a school bus on my way to work this morning. normally, i don’t mind; i believe that getting kids to school is very important for their education and development into pimply faced adolescents. i often bang on about poor education and parenting being the reasons why philadelphia is the murderous cess pool that it is.

however, my opinion of education changed very quickly this morning. for two miles, a diesel burning cheese bus stopped at nearly every house, picking up a single child, who would languidly drift up the steps to the bus. meanwhile, a queue of cars stretching all the way into idaho was quickly building up behind the bus. people too far behind to see the flashing warning lights of the bus were honking, and in retaliation, drivers in front honked back. this woke up every family within a two block radius, disturbed the mating of indigenous birds, and all the carbon dioxides from the unmoving cars made a hole in the ozone layer the size of australila.

i took a school bus all throughout grade school and every morning, me and my sister would walk ten blocks, about half a mile uphill (both ways), to the neighborhood bus pickup, where about three other kids would wait for bus-driver jose to come in our clattering yellow school bus. while we waited, we chatted and played red light-green light-1-2-3. it was always fun and i believe i learned more about playing, patience, and friendship from waiting for the bus than i did from actually attending grade school.

i simply cannot fathom while today’s children idly wait for the school bus to come from their own doorsteps, within sight and earshot of their fellow students who live two houses down. it is not like they are in wheelchairs and crutches and need assistance to walk. sure, all the kids looked obese, bi-polar, and anemic but that’s all the more reason to have them walk a few blocks to a bus stop where all the children in the neighborhood can be picked up all at the same time. this would relieve congestion on the roads, bring the passenger pigeon back from extinction, and raise up a generation of fitter, more happy children. instead, sending our children to school by bus is teaching them that door to door car service is the norm, that their lives are more important than the lives of the other motorists on the road, and that being lazy is a good thing.

on the other hand, this is still better than the alternative, which happens to be my bete noire: harried soccer moms in honda minivans carting their brood to school while talking on their cell phones.

November 30, 2007 at 4:22 pm Leave a comment

planning

how much do you plan?

personally, i hate planning. attempting to anticipate the events of the future seems a bit futile to me, even bordering on hubris, and we all know what happened to icarus. ive heard it said that there’s no use in building the biggest boat when you can’t raise the tide, and that’s so true, it hurts.

but how about my decision making? don’t all my decisions point in a certain direction that i want to take my life in? for example, the choices i make at work affect my positive or negative standing at work, which determine which city i live in. and if i continue to live in philadelphia, there’s a very good chance that i’m committing to a grisly death by stray bullet fire or stab wounds. wait, now i’m confused about the chain of events that has led to me being killed to death.

no matter, because what i’ve learned remains the same. the harder you try to grip the control joystick of life, the more you realize that nearly everything is out of your control. when you, my faithful readers, learn this, you will look down and realize that what you thought was the control joystick of life is actually a slimy, wet, trout. and the harder you grip it, the more it will squirm out of your hands.

so man the rudders, but have faith in the current.

November 19, 2007 at 8:12 pm Leave a comment

david crowder band rocks

“Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go

In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You’re the same
Oh, You never let go”

the david crowder band concert was pretty rockingly awesome. my ears are still bleeding from it but never have blood from my eustachian tubes felt so sweet.

interestingly, the song that meant the most to me was a song on his newest album that i wasn’t too crazy about, never let go. the lyrics above smacked me in the groin and face simultaneously.

like a mac truck hitting a startled deer.

November 9, 2007 at 4:24 am 3 comments

unforgivable motoring sins

there are some mistakes you can make on the road that, even though they are quite annoying, are excusable. for example, ending up in a right turn only lane when you don’t need to make a right turn, or driving an suv. however, just as jesus said that sins against the holy spirit are unforgivable, there exist a few errors that a motorist can commit that are unforgivable.

1. not pulling into an intersection when making a left turn on a one lane road.
2. driving slowly in the left lane of a motorway.
3. crossing the white line painted on the ground indicating where cars should stop at a red light.

these three things are all terrible things you can do to fellow motorists on the road. #1 holds up half the world, #2 infuriates the huge queue of cars you’ve inadvertently created, and #3 kills both the window licker taking his turn too quickly and the philistine who crossed that white line.

i am so certain that if the transit police crack down on the behavior listed above, we could cure road rage, mend the hole in the ozone layer, and restore the ravaged amazon rain forest. blood pressures would drop for drivers and pedestrians, civilians and police, men and women. spirits would be raised and people would smile at each other on the roads – “you go first,” “no YOU go first.” trees would hug you and foxes would blow kisses at you as you drove by at a gas efficient 55mph because traffic was flowing smoothly. extinct species of snails would come back to life, the polar ice caps would heal, and we could lessen our nation’s addiction on foreign oil.

in addition, my daily commute to and from work would be greatly improved and after all, isn’t that what really matters?

November 3, 2007 at 1:54 am 1 comment

a city of brotherly shove

i haven’t ranted about philadephia’s crime in a while, but it is hard to avoid all the headlines our beloved city is making today.

in the past four days, three police officers have been shot. officer charles cassidy was shot in the head last night during an attempted robbery of a dunkin donuts in north philadelphia. the article made it to the front page of cnn. officer cassidy passed away a few hours ago at albert einstein medical center.

despite the occasional quips i make about police officers (9 parts hypocrite, 1 part bully), i actually deeply respect (non traffic enforcement) police officers. my worst day equates to their every day. the places in the city that i avoid are the places that they are assigned to patrol. they run into burning buildings and collapsed tunnels to save complete strangers. never in my wildest dreams would i ever oppose a police officer, let alone confront one head-on and shoot at one.

what sort of lawlessness has fallen over the city, that criminals have a mindset that killing cops is something they can do?

how can so much money be spent on fighting “terrorism” in iraq when there is still so much wrong with our own backyards?

as a result of all these shootings, capital punishment in pennslyvania is being re-examined, and i think that’s a jolly good idea.

1) prison doesn’t work to correcting criminals. if anything, criminals emerge hardened and with more connections to other murderers and pedophiles
2) punishments must fit crimes. if the crimes are getting worse, so should the punishments.
3) lets face it, lethal injections, electric chairs, and hangings are a much greater deterrent than spending a few months in prison. a few months in prison means free food and a chance to kick it back with your best mates. electrocution means that they’ll need a spatula to scrape your remains from the chair. the choice is easy, even for a thug with a 2nd grade level education.

the real solution to fix philadephia’s crime problem? better parents, a better school system, and God.

November 1, 2007 at 5:40 pm 1 comment


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